People are as Happy as They Make Up Their Minds to be

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” - Abraham Lincoln

The other day I was presented with the question, what does it make you most upset that people don't know or understand?

I knew my answer immediately: happiness.

It's important to stop every once in a while and remember what's important to us, what makes us happy. It can be easy to get caught up in the "end game". Whether it's college, graduate school, getting a job, getting married or having kids, there will always be something to work towards. Focusing so much on that end goal can sometimes lead to a fast paced life filled with stress and worry. In reality, the important thing in life is to be happy, not to reach that goal. Because guess what? Once you get into college or get married or whatever it may be, there will be something else. And then something else. So while that step in life may seem like the most important thing in the world and there's no time to do anything else except focus on that, remember, it's not the end of the world if it's not done "on time". Breathe. Be thankful for what and who you have in life. 

I spent most of high school racing to get to this incredible, magical place we call college. And now that I'm 18, about to graduate and move half way across the country, I wish I had stopped to appreciate what I had right in front of me. Friday night football games, having dinner with my family, school dances, seeing my friends every day at school. All of it seemed so ordinary until now. Now that it's being taken away from me, I want it back (of course). 

So today I vow to be present, to be aware. I vow to be happy.

Vowing to be happy doesn't make you happy though... or does it? According to the Facial Feedback Hypothesis, simply forcing yourself to smile can make you happier. Many psychologists agree that smiling can intensify the emotion of happiness, and some go as far as to claim that people can become happy by forcing themselves to smile.

So force a smile if you have to, it'll make life more enjoyable.

Mainstream Beauty- Guest Blog

This week I posted a guest blog on my friend Zoe's blog Picture Perfect! Check out my post  here and check out her full blog here!!

The Fear That Your Past is Your Best

"The fear that your past is your best" - Robbie Coltrane

I'm not exactly sure when, but one day my 50 year old father traded in his life of being a hard working business man for the life of a 22 year old frat boy. Now let me make something clear...he doesn't actually think he's 22. He still goes to work (sometimes) and does other adult things. Now he just does them like a teenage boy would. Let me give you a few examples. He plays a game with the water company and doesn't pay the bill until they shut the water off and show up at our door demanding a payment...just for fun, the hallway upstairs is now a sea of laundry, there is nothing but beer in the fridge, he bought a "guard" dog and he has a new obsession with guns. 


I recently had surgery and stayed at my moms for a few months, leaving my 14 year old brother and dad by themselves. This is when the transformation happened. All they do now is watch movies and play video games in their underwear. Although it's not a pretty sight to see, it's nothing I can't handle.


Sigmund Freud once said, "If there are quarrels between the parents or if their marriage is unhappy, the ground will be prepared in their children for the severest predisposition to neurotic illness". My parents have been divorced for nine years, and from my point of view, Freud had it all backward. I thought turmoil and divorce has clearly sent my dad into a downward spiral of insanity, not me. My mom and I automatically assumed this behavior was a result of the current (and unusual) lack of women in my father's life. As usual, we were sure everything was about us, but as I did some research I realized this wasn't the case at all.


It turns out my dad is a part of a group classified at "middle age". These so called middle age people are in "a period of adjustment between the potentialities of the past and the limitations of the future. An emotional rebellion has been observed in some persons, sometimes referred to as a mid-life crisis".  So while my mom and I have been attributing this childish behavior to the divorce and my lack of presence in his life, it really doesn't have much to do with us at all. He's just another dad wishing he was a kid again.

Seeing is Not Always Believing

Seeing is not always believing- Martin Luther King Jr.

Can we believe what we can't see? Sigmund Freud, an early psychologist largely disregarded by today's scientifically driven psychologists, sure did. Most of Freud's findings had no scientific evidence, yet his concepts were and still are widely accepted. One might not think to challenge the existence of the Id, Ego and Superego, but they can't really be proven to exist either. Besides his focus on the sexual energy of children in the psychosexual stages (many psychologists believe Freud was wrong about children being driven by sexual energy as well), I haven't come across many of Freud's ideas that strike me as completely illogical. This is why I was surprised about how uncomfortable psychoanalytic literary criticism makes me. 

A few days ago in English, we discussed the psychoanalytic lens pertaining to Hamlet. We discovered that the Psychoanalytic theory is based off of a few of Freud's ideas: 

The Unconscious Mind

Id, Ego, Superego

Psychosexual Stages

Repression

and The Oedipus Complex

According to the Psychoanalytic theory, the Oedipus Complex can be seen in Hamlet. The Oedipus complex is a fixation (a result of unresolved conflict in a particular stage) that can occur in the phallic stage of psychosexual development. Basically it results in a feeling of wanting to kill dad and be with mom. When Hamlet was young, his father was killed, and therefore part of his Oedipus complex was fulfilled. The problem was that his uncle Claudius married his mom, carrying out the rest of this "fantasy" for him. When Hamlet needs to kill his uncle and avenge his father, he delays because he feels somehow connected to his uncle for carrying out his unconscious desire to marry his mother. 

Now there are two things to take into consideration. The first is that Freud came after Shakespeare's time. He claims that this complex is found in most human men, but did their culture create this complex, or is it a biological function? Could it even have existed in Shakespeare's time? Many seem to think the time period is irrelevant, but I still believe it must be considered. The second problem I see with this evaluation of Hamlet is that none of this can be proved. The repressed feelings and motivation for killing his uncle are being extrapolated by the reader. Shakespeare never says Hamlet's journey is a result of the Oedipus complex. Can we believe what we cannot see? 

Since the idea of an unconscious mind does not bother me, and that cannot be seen or proven, I was surprised to find that an interpretation of Hamlet that is based off of an idea that cannot be proven from the text itself did bother me. I can't say I would completely disregard the Psychoanalytic literary theory, but I don't see myself using this very often in the future.

The Moment a Little Boy is Concerned With Which is a Jay and Which is a Sparrow, He Can No Longer See the Birds or Hear Them Sing

“The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.” -Eric Berne

Discrimination is an unfortunate reality in today's world, and it truly blinds each and every one of us. Some may think that we treat each other equally, but others are painfully aware that the opposite is true.  I recently took a test though Harvard University's Project Implicit. This webiste provides Implicit Association Tests , free for anybody to take. The test proved to me that no matter how many times I say I don't discriminate, and no matter how much I believe in equal rights, I still have automatic associations. 

I chose to take the Weight Implicit Associations Test to see what would happen. I was instructed to do a number of tasks, as quickly as possible.

At the end of the test, I saw that it was harder for me to associate good with fat than good with thin... and I wasn't the only one. 70% of people naturally associated good with thin, 19% had no preference and only 12% associated good with fat. 






There are many more Implicit Association tests covering topics such as....

Gender-Career
Gender-Science
Age
Weapons
Race 
Sexuality
Skin Tone
Disability
and More


The point of these tests is not to shame the person, but rather to make that person self-aware of his or her natural or automatic associations. The more self-aware someone is, the more likely they are to change their behavior. This is the beginning to ending discrimination. Discrimination of all types exist all around the world. America is known as the land of the free, but are we free? Free to express ourselves and our beliefs without being judged? Not always. A common example of oppression in the United States is gay marriage. Homosexual men and women are often shamed and excluded from society because of their sexual orientation. In many states, they are not even allowed to get married. Another example of discrimination is the unwarranted fear instilled in American people of Middle Eastern men and/or women. Americans commonly associate Middle Easterners with terrorists. It has been a major problem that skyrocketed after 9/11 and one that America continues to struggle with today. I am by no means saying that every American is homophobic or prejudiced against Middle Easterners. I am however pointing out that as humans, we tend to lean towards either one group or another. Rarely do we show no preference to any group of people. There will always be associations that we have, but it is our duty to continue fighting for equality, because many will attest that we have not reached it yet.